SOT Sucks today, so here are some jokes

**Awesome-0** · 08-21-2008, 03:54 PM

Quote:

Late one evening, the day after he had lost his wife scuba diving, two grim-faced policemen paid Mr. Rhodes a visit. "We're sorry to disturb you at this hour, Mr Rhodes, but we have some information concerning your wife. Actually, we have some bad news, some pretty good news and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?"

Obviously fearing the worst, Mr Rhodes asked for the bad news first.

"We're sorry to inform you, sir," the policeman said, "we found your wife's body in the San Francisco Bay this morning."
Oh, my God!" said a distraught Mr. Rhodes. Remembering what the policeman had said, he asked, "What's the good news?"

"When we pulled her up," said the policeman, "she had two five-pound lobsters and a dozen crabs on her."
"What?" a confused Mr Rhodes exclaimed. "So, what's the great news?"

As he smiled and smacked his lips, the officer replied, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow."

Quote:

Two hobos were walking along the railroad tracks one day and one hobo said to the other, "I'm the luckiest guy in the world".

"Why is that?" said the other hobo.

"Well, I was walking down these tracks last week and I found a 20 dollar bill. I went into town and bought a case of wine and was drunk for three days."

The other hobo said, "That was pretty good, but I think I'm the luckiest guy in the world. I was walking down these very tracks about two weeks ago, and just up ahead was a gorgeous naked woman tied to the tracks. I untied her and took her up there in the trees and I had sex with her for two days."

"Jesus", said the first hobo. "You are the luckiest guy; did you get a blow job, too?"

"Well", the other tramp said, "No, I never found her head."

Quote:

A guy works a new job on Thursday and Friday. On Monday he calls in and says, "I can't come in today. I'm sick."

He works the rest of the week, but the following Monday he calls in and says, "I can't come in today. I'm sick."

The boss asks the foreman about him, and the foreman says, "He's great. He does the work of two men. We need him."

So the boss calls the guy into his office, and says, "You seem to have a problem getting to work on Mondays. You're a good worker and I'd hate to fire you. What's the problem? Anything we can help you with? Drugs? Alcohol?"

The guy says, "No, I don't drink or do drugs. But my brother-in-law drinks every weekend, and then beats on my sister. So every Monday morning, I go over to make sure she's all right. She puts her head on my shoulder and cries, one thing leads to another, and the next thing you know, I'm fucking her."

The boss says, "You fuck your sister?"

The guy says, "Hey, I told you I was sick."

Anyone else?

**Broken5hift** · 08-21-2008, 04:09 PM

**Cr@xH3aDMcg33** · 08-21-2008, 04:10 PM

stick to politics cause these are just bad.

**SmervE AttacK** · 08-21-2008, 04:15 PM

*fart*

**srt acr** · 08-21-2008, 04:16 PM

*WARNING - racist jokes ahead*

whats blue and hanging in my front yard?....he's my nigger i'll paint him whatever color i want.

why is the NBA filled with blacks?....cause they're the best at stealing, running and shooting.

a black guy walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. Wow, says the bartender. that is really something. where'd you get it?....africa, says the parrot

what happens when you stick you hand in a jar of jellybeans?....the black ones steal your watch.

**420Racer** · 08-21-2008, 04:19 PM

Quote:

A mortician was working late one night.

He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery.

Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen!

"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the mortician commented, "I can't allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved for posterity."

So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home.

"I have something to show you won't believe," he said to his wife, opening his briefcase.

"My God!" the wife exclaimed, "Schwartz is dead!"

**SmervE AttacK** · 08-21-2008, 04:21 PM

this thread is now offensive to me....*reports bad post*

**420Racer** · 08-21-2008, 04:22 PM

Quote:

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.

"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."

She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.

"Don't move until I tell you," she said, "pretend you're a statue."

"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.

"Oh it's a statue," she replied, "the Smiths bought one and I liked it so I got one for us, too."

No more was said, not even when they went to bed.

Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer.

"Here," he said to the statue, have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smiths and nobody offered me a damned thing."

Quote:

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.

He looked up and said weakly: "I have something I must confess."

"There's no need to," his wife replied.

"No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"

"I know," she replied, "now just rest and let the poison work."

thas all I got

**420Racer** · 08-21-2008, 04:26 PM

wait, 1 mo

Quote:

It was 1785, and a newlywed couple had just embarked on their honeymoon. As they were riding along in the carriage, the horse suddenly stops. The husband cracks the whip on the horses's behind, which gets him moving again, and the husband then says to the horse, "That's one!"

After a short time, the horse suddenly stops again. The husband brandishes his whip, and cracks the horse twice on the rump this time. The horse begins to moving along, and the husband says to the horse, "That's two!"

Well, enevitably, the horse once again stops. The husband jumps down from the wagon, and tells the horse, "That's three!" He then draws his pistol and shoots the horse dead.

At this point, the newly married wife is appalled at her new husband's behavior. She says, "I can't believe how cruel and viscious you were to that poor animal. He probably just need some water, and a short rest."

The husband then turned, and walked over to his wife. He leaned over closely to her and said, "That's one."

**Broken5hift** · 08-21-2008, 04:26 PM

Quote:

"I know," she replied, "now just rest and let the poison work."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA win

08-21-2008, 04:09 PM	#2 (permalink)
Broken5hift SOT Administrator Join Date: May 2006 Location: 345T C045t Posts: 25,369 gXboxLive Leaderboard: 26^th	__________________ SOT - .... I dunno, i wasnt really paying attention....

08-21-2008, 04:10 PM	#3 (permalink)
Cr@xH3aDMcg33 SOT Administrator Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Miami Posts: 24,630 gXboxLive Leaderboard: 35^th	stick to politics cause these are just bad. __________________ PUT THE FUCKING LOTION IN THE BASKET!!!!!!!!!!!

08-21-2008, 04:15 PM	#4 (permalink)
SmervE AttacK Truck Stop Bathroom MOD Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: central PA Posts: 15,068 gXboxLive Leaderboard: 22^nd	fart __________________

08-21-2008, 04:16 PM	#5 (permalink)
srt acr SOT Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Philly Burbs Posts: 2,963 gXboxLive Leaderboard: 57^th	WARNING - racist jokes ahead whats blue and hanging in my front yard?....he's my nigger i'll paint him whatever color i want. why is the NBA filled with blacks?....cause they're the best at stealing, running and shooting. a black guy walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. Wow, says the bartender. that is really something. where'd you get it?....africa, says the parrot what happens when you stick you hand in a jar of jellybeans?....the black ones steal your watch. __________________ Put your gamertag here too.

08-21-2008, 04:21 PM	#7 (permalink)
SmervE AttacK Truck Stop Bathroom MOD Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: central PA Posts: 15,068 gXboxLive Leaderboard: 22^nd	this thread is now offensive to me....reports bad post __________________

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