Vissionary

Guide to Girl’s Text Messages

If you’ve ever watched “Law and Order”, “Alias”, or even Meet the Parents, you probably know a thing or two about how to read people. Watch where their eyes go, read their body language, listen to the tone of their voice-it will all give you little clues to tell if they’re sincere, if they’re lying, if they’re interested in you or if they’re just bored.

Unfortunately, today’s dating scene comes with one secret weapon designed to break you down: texting. A text has no body language and no tone, it’s just flat words on a shiny LCD. So how do you read a text without having a day long agony-fest over what it actually means? Easy. You’ve got me for that. So boys, saddle up: here’s the go-to guide for what she’s actually saying.

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Periods. Any time she writes a period at the end of the text (when the otherwise general lack of words would suffice to show that the thought is over) she’s one of two things: demanding, or pissed off. Probably at you. If you’re getting a lot of them, it’s a safe bet that you’re in trouble.

Exclamation Point! This is a universal sign of excitement, and it means she wants you to immediately picture her smiling and eager. Generally a good thing, unless she’s got energy to beat out the energizer bunny.

Question Mark? Obviously, questions need appropriate punctuation, especially in texts were there is no tone. Frequent question marks-especially when there isn’t really a question, like ‘We’ll meet up later?’ means she’s harboring some serious insecurities about your relationship.

What’s Up? If this is all the text says, it means she’s trying to ‘get in’ without being clingy or demanding. It’s a conversation starter that she hopes will earn her a few text messages and maybe even a rendezvous at the end. She’s playing it cool but wants you to be thinking about her.

Later. If she’s a buddy, ‘later’ is totally standard. If she’s your leading lady, ‘later’ is not good. Think about it-there’s ‘see you later’, ‘talk to you later’, and all sorts of ways of making plans in very casual ways, but she’s going out of her way to be brief and noncommittal. Not a good sign for you.

Umm… Look, we all say ‘um’ naturally in conversation at some point in time, but it’s different if she’s going out of her way to write it down. Whatever you just asked her, she doesn’t want to do it and she’s sincerely hoping you’ll take the hint.

Seriously? Other than a sign that she’s not taking you at your word (or she generally doesn’t believe you) this is also probably a good hint that she watches too much Grey’s Anatomy. Need to reconnect? Catch a couple episodes to find out what you can do to bring a little more McDreaminess into her life.

Walk? Don’t mistake this with “take a hike”. If a girl ever asks you to take a walk with her (and you’re interested in her), say yes. Not only is exercise good for you, but walks are intimate without being sleazy, opportunities for great conversation but also won’t suffer if conversation falls silent for a minute. It also shows girls that you’re willing to show up and just be there with no other motivation than good company, and to a girl, that’s 90% of the game. Not a bad time to sneak in a casual kiss either….

Nicknames. I don’t know if you missed third grade, but just like hitting, nicknames are good, and especially good if she’s using some of her limited per-text character allowance to do it. Nicknames-made more powerful in space restricted texting when it’s obvious who the text is going to-are always a reminder of special connections. With your friends they generally allude to fun times, and with your girl it’s an establishment of intimacy. So be warned, if she’s jumping on the nickname train too early, she might be a stage-five clinger.

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SOT - Procrastinate later.

eyecue

BoostinChick

My BB automatically does periods...?

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- Sandra
1995 Eclipse GSX|2006 Suzuki SV650N|2007 WRX TR

Vissionary

...so...does....my...pc...keyboard....?

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SOT - Procrastinate later.

Vertabreaker

Texting = the worst.

I hate bitches that do it ALL the time when a simple phone call would've worked just as effectively if not better, more efficient, and quicker.

This used to drive me crazy when I was driving

- Getting a fucking paragraph text message
- Trying to read it
- Finally reading it
- Calling back because it's fucking easier and faster
- Getting voicemail
- Texting back while driving
- Almost crashing
- Text gets sent
- Getting an immediate response because.....it was a fucking text

Fucking bitches

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